We get stuck. That is all there is to it. In life, stress happens, we get stuck in events and judgments. All problems have a solution. The problem is, sometimes the solution is not what we want.
The solution is always yourself. It is how we react to a problem, think of a problem, and/or how long we stick with a problem.
When we decide we want to make a change or get past the problem, we have a difficult time. We sometimes do not know what to do or where to go. The solution is based on us, and not any outside factors. Sometimes we hope for that knight in shining armor to swoop in and save us. Unfortunately, that is usually not reality.
The present moment. There is no point on focusing on the future when we do not know for sure that the worst is going to happen. Focus, and observe the now. It is about the moment, your five senses, and everything else in the now.
Being wrapped up in fear and worry does not solve anything. Focusing on guilt and resentment… again, does not solve anything. The only time you can do anything about anything is in the present moment. You can plan, you can learn from the past, but you cannot do anything at any time except for the present time.
2. Focus on yourself, not on what others think and do
“He shouldn’t have done that to me!” Have you ever had this thought? It might be true. Does it matter if it is true? Does that truth make you feel better? If not then you are not solving the problem.
You are not responsible for what anyone else says and does. Focusing on what others do and think and keeping that in your head only leaves you suffering. You cannot make anyone else do or say something you want him or her to. Stop focusing on them. Focus on yourself.
Many people’s reaction is to get aggressive with someone when we feel frustrated by them. That is not a good way to be a good person. It is a very good way to create resentments and guilt. It is a great way to ruin a relationship and create uncomfortable working environments.
I could probably stop here. I could probably just write acceptance on a piece of paper and say “done.” This is the key, right here. Why do I put the most important one number 3? Does it irritate you? Well, you are going to have to accept it because I am not responsible for how you feel! (See what I did there?)
It is not just about focusing on yourself instead of others. Things happen that are nobody’s fault, not even your own. Even when they are your fault, it is done. Accept it.
The hardest part about acceptance is that although people know they cannot change things, they still want things to change. Life is long enough, but not long enough for you to focus on things you can’t control. You do not have to like the situation, but if you want to live a life of wellness, you are going to have to let go of control of things.
4. Focus on the positive and appreciate what you have
Okay, I get it, there is negative in your life. The negative is making you feel down, or worried. Many people focus on the negative although there is good in their life. Heck, some even forget that there is good in their life.
Are you breathing? Then there is something good in your life. There could be 1000,000,000,000,000 bad things in your life, but if there is one thing good in your life then it is not bad.
5. Work on improving the negative, not dwelling in it
Figure out how to improve it. Go google “How to ____” and look at studies, research, articles, and what others have done to make changes. Not a good enough answer for you? There is probably a good reason for that.
Usually, we do not follow through with change because we do not see results. Would it make you feel better to know that it might take 90 days to 6 months to even scratch the surface and make results? No? Then you are going to have to accept that because things are not changing just because you want them to. The good thing is, you are very capable. The bad thing is, it’s not easy. Is there really anything that’s easy that’s worth pursuing?
6. Work on solutions
I’m kind of reiterating many things but I’ll explain. Is there a way to fix it? Yes? Then fix it. Is there no way to fix it? Then do small things that you can handle and control right now. The only reason you should focus on things you can’t control is to work on a solution. Stop focusing on the worst possible consequence. That is not a solution. And if you have to focus on the worst possible consequence, focus on accepting the worst possible consequence.
7. Keep an open mind, Always Learn
“That won’t work.” Of course, it will not work. You are not open to the possibility! Maybe sometimes you have to learn how not to do things by listening to what doesn’t work. However, do not just write off someone’s advice just because they can’t understand (by your own judgment usually). Just because you cannot see why it works doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it.
8. There is no failure, only learning opportunities
Stop worrying about failing. Failing is AWESOME! Every time you fail, you get new information on what does not work. Fail! It is the best thing you can do. Then, learn from it, accept it, come up with a solution, and keep an open mind that your way might not be the best way!
9. Do the best you can with what you have
It might not be perfect right now. You might not have the means right now. Be patient with yourself.
If you do not have money then work with the funds, you have. Be ready to give up a lot of time to have funds. 5 years from now might be a different story. As you work towards your goals, you will slowly gain more. The more you gain, the more you have to work with.
Take it slow, be patient, do the best you can. Do not be perfect. You do not have the means to be perfect. Do the best you can. Next time you do it, you will do better. Be okay with sadness, anxiety, lack of skill, lack of funds, or whatever your deficits you have right now. Focusing on deficits is not a solution. Solutions can only be achieved if you accept that you do not have everything you need for the perfect consequences. Do not look for the perfect solution. Look for the solution that gives you the best you can get, with what you already have.
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